The Neighborly Absorption (Part 4)
Written by David J. Greenspan
Article published in Northampton Living (April 2021)
I finally booked a proper amphitheater to hold my 3-act play, The 3 Scrooges. It is a take on the Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol; however, Ebenezer’s siblings, Maurice & Shirley, pay him a surprise visit. The dollops of the wallops will make one, oh kneel in April’s delights. What-cha gonna do when the supernatural slapstick of Moe, Eben, and Shirley collide in an outdoor space near you?
100 years ago in Natick, Massachusetts, Dorothy M. Green was born. In 1943, “Dottie” was one of the inaugural women of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. She played catcher for 5 seasons with the Rockford Peaches before moving on as team chaperone until the league ended in 1954. 34 years later, The Baseball Hall of Fame honored these pioneers with a display featuring league paraphernalia. The original meaning of the word paraphernalia was property a bride owned beyond her dowry, and not something you hide in your glove compartment.
Check out the newest mega mall around, The Outskirts Depot – TOD for short. The good people at Barnaby’s Cones & the better folks at Scoop There-It-Is have lined TOD with dozens of undersized ice cream vending machines. If you need something to talk at, the oversized venting machines may help. The Hair Wardens Salon is offering free buzz cuts for anyone who can complete the zero gravity obstacle course patrolled by Air Wardens. Inspired by P-Funk’s 1978 album Motor Booty Affair, A revolutionary float meditation studio; Aqua Boogie opens soon. “With the rhythm that makes you dance; to what we have to live through; you can dance underwater and not get wet.”
The legendary Jazz musician John Coltrane once said, “I start in the middle of a sentence and move both directions at once.” If my closet were bigger I’d buy more shoes – nothing better to do. Shopping for socks brings much malarkey – sliding them around. How many tank tops do I need to wear to be as warm as someone wearing a mock turtleneck?
Our downgraded super PC known as That Measly Abacus, (TMA) has ran billions of simulations to determine the seeds to this master debate; who is the greatest Selina Kyle/Catwoman of all-time? Although she nailed the cat in Batman: The Animated Series, TMA hates cartoons so Adrienne Barbeau is currently on the bubble. Some Gotham cats live Ernie Borgnine lives, so she may earn an at large bid after all. John Wayne’s portrayal as Genghis Khan in The Conquerer is almost as convincing as Lee Meriwether’s Russian accent as Miss Kitka from the 1966 movie Batman. The 1955 Miss America winner shared this beauty secret, “I wash my face rubbing up, I put my makeup on up and in the shower I rubup – anyplace I can.” We will share the GOAT Catwoman results once TMA concludes it’s final tabby-lations. Halle Berry, “The first step is clearly defining what it is you’re after, because without knowing that, you’ll never get it.”
