The Neighborly Absorption (Part 9)
Written by David J. Greenspan
Article published in Northampton Living (October 2021)
Hockomock is a “place where the spirits dwell” & the swamp that bears the name houses magical fire wielding pukwudgies. Gauge what you do or say around them cautiously, because they are known to play a few tricks.
Algonquin beliefs in animism may help explain the time I took my friends Samantha, Mary & Haynes to play a round of disk golf. An unexpected air bump sent our discs way off course. As we got deeper in the woods, we saw our discs hovering near a hollow hickory. The tree’s crevice led to an underground cave.
Lacking provisions, we decided to walk into the subterranean lair. Once we hit bottom, a giant black light lit up the abandoned mine. Adolescent distorted fidget frogs popped out of nowhere and performed staged combat. They were parkour experts and communicated with us through the art of mime. They bailed because they were late for a creature feature screening of Leatherback & House of 1,000 Tortoises. They handed us lanterns which we carried wayward up the dusty road.
Later, Haynes & Sam became lovers & their babies became musical prodigies. They earned a modicum of success as they toured the midlands in front of mediocre crowds. As their cavalcade of Chinook’s and Caravans drove through the White Mountains, they noticed a light following them. As it approached, they fell into a deep slumber.
Only through the aid of hypnosis were they were able to piece together what happened. The beings that abducted Betty & Barney Hill just over 60 years ago wanted to make contact once again. They were enamored by Andy Devine’s sweet voice but terrified by the simple notes of his harmonica. They were still amused and puzzled by Barney’s dentures.
We explained to them that human beings are social animals and spend trillions of dollars each year on beauty & maintenance.
Eels native to Ceti Alpha 5, roasted on hot coals above a sarlaac pit is their favorite. The Expendables 2 is their favorite movie because of the creativity shown in naming JCVD’s character, the chief villain, Villain. They suggested Arson Shade or Ransom McBadguy as possible antagonists for future films.
Every visitor had the same general grievances, written on customized stationary called outer space stationary. They told us that there’s no business like the space business and that life is short so eat dessert first.
None of these beings can avoid space sickness without the aid of dimenhydrinate. The motion sickness medicine aids their expansion from their home world, Dramamine. One ain’t enough Jack, you better make it 3. They wanted to make it real clear. They like lanterns from carved watermelons with one Wiccan, one pop; and Van Lear. They like to have a good time and make to at least a show or two. When Samhain’s offspring announced their tour, the visitors made sure they wouldn’t miss the epic one year anniversary performance of the Coal Mimers’ Daughters.
