The Absorption
Written by David J. Greenspan
Article published in Longmeadow Neighbors (December 2021)
“May your winter season be full of wishes, dishes, and swishes.”
December is ripe with many overlooked food holidays. Embrace a healthy lifestyle and Eat a Red Apple Day on December 1st before National Fritters Day on the 2nd. Cotton Candy Day is the 7th and brownies bring in the 8th. Special weapons and tactics; SWAT may be needed to shoo gnats on Fruitcake Day, (Dec. 27). Happy gnats prefer red wine to spiked seltzer or other lower grade libations.
Acronyms are an abbreviation formed from the initial letters of other words, and pronounced as a word. We need image maximum as soon as possible!!! Inspired by the theme song of a well-known mobile army surgical hospital unit, we bring you our first and possibly final edition of Acro-Hymns.
“Most active safety helpers: MASH. Docile, absolutely silly horses: DASH. Boring, absurd superheroes: BASH. Filing laminated abhorrent sassy holograms yummy: FLASHY. Try rationalizing all hidden senses: TRASH. Hope amazing stuff happens: HASH. Sorting unsightly chickpeas can outweigh totally appetizing, savory hummus: SUCCOTASH.”
The term succotash comes from a Narragansett word sohquttahhash, which means broken corn kernels. Nikolaas Ames, the moniker maven, known to everyone in the community as Nickname. He made it his mission to determine a fun handle for all those in need.
The spotted lanternfly (Lycorma delicatula) is indigenous to southeast Asia. No pignoli nut cookies or Mew Oreos for these friendly sap-sucking true bugs. The plant-eating hemipterans enjoy over 70 plant species. Since they were found in Pennsylvania in 2014, they’ve spread through the Mid-Atlantic & southern New England. According to our in-house Almanac of Pharma, the AOP research team concludes these invasive true bugs will make their Massachusetts debut in 2022. Remove any mud like smutches you see on wood-piles or out of state flatbeds, because their eggs will survive the frost. They do not bite animals or humans, but can wreak havoc on many-a grape harvest.
The first time I saw a spotted lanternfly was on the side of a Cineplex this summer. The red, white and black fashion symbol was checking out the coming soon posters. It seemed keenly interested in a new vampire space adventure called The Scarlet Peddlers. The proceeds from their spotted lantern fly clothing line brought them the billions needed for their space mission.
The earth was getting a little too bright for them, so these courageous adventurers decided to chill in the darkness of space. They are on a quest to find a planet more suitable for their needs. Space Vampires have all the fun. The attractive turtleneck clad necromancer’s party with blood light and packed plenty of nectarines for their journey. The Scarlet Peddlers tested so well that sequels and spinoffs have been greenlit. Welcome to the Planet of the Napes.
